hmmm...looooong time since i got on...
i don't care if no one reads this cus this is purely for me to write out my thoughts that i've been keeping to myself...
it's been stacking up and i feel i should just write it here...i want to clear my mind
well...today school was..ehh...like always but for some reason i think it comforts me when i'm studying..no matter how much i may think it's dreadful...well can't explain it but it keeps my mind off of things. Actually, there some things i can't keep my mind off of but let's not go there. Continuing on, lately, i've been pretty distant from God..again...or maybe it's not that.. maybe it's just me. I'm afraid of going back because of all the guilt that stacks up from my behavior, but i want to go back and it's hard...i hope that i can find courage again. i want to be next to him and talk to HIM comfortably.
i couldn't help but eavesdrop on my sister crying on the phone tonight but i can't tolerate anyone making my sister cry. it seriously hurts. i can just not show any feelings but it really hurts. You guys who hang out with jessica..or used to...well you guys seriously need to stop and think before you guys act. you guys are stupid and seriously...grow up...i've realized lately why i don't have a lot of friends and it's because i don't really know how to talk to kids my age. the things i like to talk about and the things other kids like to talk about.. it's weird i just can't relate to them no matter how hard i try. i love getting into deep conversations about things that kids my age would prbly dread talking about. well, anyways...i think you guys are being jerks and don't know what the hell you guys are doing to my sister and to some of your other "friends" but yall should apologize and if you think you can just hang out with ppl and then just stop talking to them cus you get sick of them or something...well it's stupid and childish. ok well...
wow.. binnerri kids are immature and need to grow up and the guys are jerks and they need to man up and treat girls better cus they only know themselves and...yeah...idiots....you guys don't know how to be respectful and seriously if you guys call yourselves christians then think again.
moving on...i seriously can't understand myself...i get shaken so easily by ppl... and they're not even nice to me..wtheck...how in the world am i gonna live in this world? i'm so vulnerable i want to be stronger...i dislike myself for liking certain ppl that i shouldn't and hopefully i'll be able to change that..i'm soo deep into my fantasy world that i can't grasp reality. i need to breathe some fresh air and move on...
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